I think for the majority of my life, I have been a people pleaser.
And I think I know why I have been that way.
Because I just took a survey on the 5 Love Languages, and one of my top Love Languages is "Words of Affirmation".
I think my motivation to please people is to receive "words of affirmation".
To me, that seems very selfish. But I believe it is true.
But then I have been in a self-deprecating mood lately. I haven't liked myself much this past week.
Every night when Charlie Brown and Lucy sing the song "The Doctor is In", I feel like I relate to Charlie Brown as he sings:
"I'm stupid, self-centered and moody,
I'm terribly dull to be with.
And nobody likes me, not (as I fill in the blank of people in my life).......
How, could there possibly be, one small person as thoroughly, totally, utterly, blah as me."
I think everyone has times of feeling like this....maybe not. But I know I do.
And then, I feel selfish.
I think I have unrealistic expectations for myself. And when I don't meet those expectations, or I try and please people, and I don't get the response I expect, then I get down on myself.
It is all my fault. I'm not good enough. I didn't do the right thing.
Yes, I feel like that sometimes.
It has been a worm-eating kind of week.