Today is Father's Day.

I'm really missing my dad today.

He died in 1996, at the age of 65.

That is too young to die.

I can't believe he has been gone 18 years. 

Today I don't think I have been grieving the loss of Dad, but instead the grieving of things I wish I could have done with Dad.

Or talked to him about.

Or shared with him.

He would have been so proud of his granddaughters, and the beautiful women they have become.

It would have been nice to have lived in the same town as he did.

I was over at my mom's house the other day cleaning the upstairs, and I came across one of Dad's old scrapbooks he had put together in high school.  I had never seen this scrapbook before.  There were things written in this scrapbook that reflected his grief of having to leave Kellogg and move to Spokane, Washington while in high school.

Maybe that is what triggered this sadness, this loss, this grief I am feeling.

As I have been scrolling through Facebook posts of people sharing accolades about their fathers, I silently tell them to cherish every moment they have with their fathers, and don't take the time they have with their dads for granted.

Because one day, they could be gone.

One day, you are told your dad has cancer, and he probably only has one month to live.

And one month later, he is gone.

Maybe I'm feeling extra sad this Father's Day, because one of dad's closest friends passed away this past week.

Maybe I'm feeling extra sad this Father's Day, because my brother and his wife are getting ready to move to the east coast.

Maybe I'm feeling extra sad because my life is changing dramatically this year, and, though excited about the changes, there is also some loss that goes along with these changes.

Usually Father's Day doesn't hit me like this....but this year it did.

And it is okay.  It is okay to mourn and grieve the loss of time with a loved one.

Dealing with death and loss is a part of life.  But that doesn't mean it is easy, or that it is meant to be easy.

And I'm glad I still feel loss after 18 years.

Because that shows me that my daddy was someone special to me.  And even after all this time, I can still shed a tear and mourn his loss.

I love you Daddy.


Nita Jo said...

Beautiful and sad. I wish I didn't understand it so well. Hugs to you, my friend!

Carol Roberts said...

Thanks so much Anita. I felt the hugs from here!!